Her Guardian Angel
by zZznoobwriterzZz
Summary: how does it feel like to fall in love with someone you know won't love you back.. simply because you don't exist? not good with summaries. R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice. It's too great to be mine.**

_hey everyone! this is my first one shot and I hope you all like it! this one's dedicated to my beloved best friend for she was the one who thought about it. Pardon my grammar lapses and poor vocabulary. Anyways, on with the story!_

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Was it possible to love someone you knew would just cause you pain and regret? She was someone who was never meant for him. No matter how long he'd been yearning for her touch and attention, he knew it was futile. She was human, and he was _not._

The physical world seemed to thwart all of his thoughts, words and feelings for she had flesh and blood and he was just a spirit, a spirit destined to be her sentinel.

He was made to be her guardian angel, and that was what he'd _forever_ be.

He knew what he had been feeling was wrong. But how could this mistake made him feel like it was the reason he had been there, in the first place?

"Mikan!" he heard her name called upon by this blonde young man who was rushing to her side. She turned around, making her long auburn hair dance because of the sudden movement.

"Hi, Ruka," she flashed him a smile.

_A smile he had long wanted to be for him._

"I brought you your favorite vanilla ice cream." He watched as the young man pull out the ice cream from the grocery bag.

"Thank you," she answered sweetly though there was a tiny hint of awkwardness in her voice that the blonde guy failed to notice.

But he didn't.

Though he approved so much of her boyfriend, he still couldn't help but picture himself in his position. He always imagined himself doing the things the blonde was doing, except for doing it right. God knew how many times he'd pictured himself giving her strawberry-flavored ice creams. He knew it was her favorite, _not vanillas_.

He sat quietly as they talked like normal couples did. He had been there since they had become official. He watched her said 'yes' to him, watched as they went on their first date and watched as they had their first kiss. It hurt to see them act like this, hurt to see her in his arms, but what can he do? He can only _watch_.

It was getting dark and thanks to the night, the couple had parted. He walked right next to her as she headed to her room. She had always been a clumsy person so seeing her trip right now wasn't much of a surprise. Though he wasn't shocked, it doesn't mean he didn't get worried.

For the many times he had watched her injure herself, he couldn't get used to it. It only made him blame his state more. He had long wanted to catch her falling figure, saving her from all the unnecessary injuries and pain. He'd have given his life to protect every single inch of her body.

But he knew he couldn't give what he never had. Life.

Like what he always did, he watched her stand up by herself and limp all the way to her room.

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He watched her as she cleaned her wounds then settled for bed, praying to God before finally giving up to her exhaustion. But before she could finally doze off, her mobile phone rang.

"Hello?" she answered softly, hinting the caller that she was tired.

"Mikan?" the voice on the other line said.

"Hotaru?! Is it really you?" she suddenly sounded alarmed and happy. He felt very grateful to the caller, seeing her ecstatic was not a scene he witness everyday.

"Yes it's me Mikan, sorry for not calling for a long time. I had been busy," the caller sounded stoic but she knew her best friend. She knew she was actually apologetic.

His crimson eyes stayed on her face, watched as her angelic face turn red and streams of tears flow through her eyes.

"I missed you so much Hotaru," she choked out the words.

"I missed you too," the voice paused first then continued, "I told you a thousand times Mikan, crying makes you ugly. Stop crying."

She tried to do what she was ordered but it was really hard for her. Talking to her best friend after 6 long months made her heart pump rapidly of excitement. She yearned for her companionship, her rare smiles and constant ridicule. She needed her best friend.

"I'm sorry Hotaru, it's just that I missed you so much," she hiccupped then continued trying to sound better for her best friend. "Are you going back anytime soon?"

"Yes, I'll be back in a month so you better be in one piece by that time. Seriously Mikan, take care of yourself! You trip over nothing."

She looked at her newly injured knee and replied, "I do not trip over nothing! And please, I'm not clumsy. I can take care of myself very well," She ended with a smug.

"Yeah right, I have to hang up now. I'm still working."

"Oh," she did her best to hide the tone of disappointment in her voice then continued, "But do call again if you have the time, ok? I have so many things to tell you!"

"Sure sure. Bye now. Good night, idiot."

"Good night Hotaru," she uttered then pressed the end button.

He looked at her as she stared at the mobile phone she just used. He saw her smile for the last time tonight then curled her tiny body into the blanket and finally started dreaming.

Seeing her cry a while ago made him remember the times she had dried her eyes out. And those memories were not as light as what he saw a while ago, for she had shed tears of sadness, and not those of joy.

The first time he saw her cry was when her first boyfriend broke up with her. She cried almost everyday because it was her first love, and the guy was just too playful to be committed to only one. Seeing her eyes became so puffy and red made him think of vicious thoughts. He wanted to rip the bastard's body, making sure he was bound to stay in a wheel chair for the rest of his pathetic life. He had so many plans of murder in his mind but then it all went down to reality.

He wanted to protect her but he never could. He was just there to watch her fall then stand up. Never interfering, never noticed.

He floated to her bed and looked at her intently, wishing to caress her rosy cheeks and pull away the loose hair strand on her face. Time seemed to flow very fast when he was doing this, for when he was breaking free from his trance, it was already morning.

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"Mikan, I see you let your hair down today," her boyfriend, Ruka, said with a mocking tone. "Is it because of our 2nd-year anniversary today?"

"Not really, I just woke up late and didn't had the time to tie them in pigtails," she answered.

"Ouch… Haha! You know Mikan, you should really put your hair down, it looks good on you," her boyfriend complimented as he took a bundle of her hair and placed it close to him. She blushed lightly by what he said.

The crimson-eyed guy became jealous.

No matter how many times he had said that he liked her auburn hair and eyes, his words and praises will forever be inaudible to her ears.

"T-thanks," she stuttered.

"Anyways, have you memorized your part in the play?" the blonde started a different topic.

"Nope, not yet. I haven't got enough time. Maybe I'll try to memorize it later," she replied.

"I see… do you want to practice with me? Just wait for me here after my soccer practice," her boyfriend offered.

"If it's ok with you, then alright!" he watched her smile as she agreed.

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He did what he was made to do, observe her as she lived her everyday life. But today was different, seeing her with her boyfriend made him feel insignificant. The fact that his boyfriend loved her so much wasn't helping at all. Though he wanted her to be happy, he just can't control his selfishness. Sometimes he wished that the guy was unfaithful to her so that he'd still have a chance. He knew it was never going to happen but it was the only hope that kept him here all this time.

He suddenly realized that he had just blinded himself from the truth, from reality. The cruel reality that his love would never reach her for his love was never meant to be. He had been ignoring everything for a long time now, wishing that one day, what he was feeling would come across everything. But now that the blindfold suddenly came off, he saw everything. All at the same time. The fact that she was happy without him made him lose the remaining spark of hope he had.

He knew it was time to give up. Leave all this feeling behind and only do what he was made to do: To guard her.

It was time to say goodbye.

Goodbye to her.

Goodbye to his long unrequited feelings.

The sound of the bell marked the end of the class and she was still waiting there for her boyfriend who was still in soccer practice.

He watched her read some lines and decided to float near her, to look at her for one last time.

He observed her gestures, her hair, her eyes and every detail of her body. He stared at the lady he had loved for a very long time then whispered…

"Goodbye, Mikan."

He was about to fly away but then her hazel eyes met his crimson ones. It had happen many times before but this was the first time he felt nervous. He was shocked by his own emotions and decided to conclude that it was because of his sudden farewell.

"Hey, how do you do that?" he heard her ask while her eyes were still locked on his.

He looked at her quizzically, wondering what she was talking about.

'_Is she practicing for the play?'_ He mentally asked himself. He searched through the room looking if her boyfriend was in the vicinity but there was not a single trace of him.

"Hey! I'm talking to you! How come you're floating?" He heard her ask again with a big smile of amusement plastered on her face.

'_What is she talking about? There was no way a human could flo—'_

That was when it hit him.

She was talking to _him._

He became too tensed to answer. His mind was filled with different emotions flowing all at the same time. He didn't know what to do but he knew he was happy.

Like how his hope was shattered easily, she glued them all back without difficulty.

Though he had so many questions on his mind right now, he only knew of one thing.

_Mikan Sakura finally smiled for _him_._

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Author's Note: So... did you like it? hehe.. sorry if this fic sounded kinda sad. XD please feel free to tell me what you feel and think about it. It helps me know what you guys are thinking and expecting from my story. i'll try to use the info next time... anyways, actually this one-shot is my 'i am sorry' story for those you read my other fic, photo album,for i have not updated for 2 weeks already. I'm just to lazy to write about it for now, so here is my sorry story...hehehe..anyways, enough with the claptraps and i hope you enjoyed this! please review! \^o^/_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gakuen Alice. but i hope i did..XDD

_Note: I said it was going to be a one-shot but then you guys wanted another one so here i am giving you my Christmas ..anyways, sorry if this one's not as good as the first one, i'm sleepy and it's like 2 am now. anyways, on with the story._

_Her Perspective._

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She had vowed never to fall in love again.

After the day that her first boyfriend left him, she had learned her lesson. She had loved him and believed every word that escaped his lips. Gave him all her heart could offer but it seemed that he still needed more. Needed more from other women. She swore never to be as bleak as she was the day that bastard left her and never will she have to go through that same melancholy again.

It was hell for her.

She couldn't control the rivulet of tears that flowed through her face. She couldn't make sense of everything anymore. Without her first love, there was no her.

But somehow, she was thankful to this experience, for in the depth of her depression…

She saw _him_.

The night was just like the previous ones, still crying, still depressed. The weak light from her lamp illuminated only part of her room, making everything else a terrain of murkiness. Her auburn hair covered her face which mixed in with the pool of tears, just then an unknown figure separated itself from the obscurity of the room.

She wasn't sure what it was and being too scared to face the consequences if she suddenly panicked, she pretended to be asleep. Good thing her long hair covered most of her face; she was still able to see the approaching shadow.

She observed it as it moved closer to her and when it successfully reached the illuminated part of the room, she mentally gasped when she realized that the shadow was translucent and floating, although it floated just few inches from the ground. Terror consumed her emotions though she perfectly feigned her sleep. She examined it and recognized that its stature was that of a young man, almost the same of her age. His tousled raven hair moved with the breeze that came from her opened window as he continued advancing to her bed.

He sat next to her and caressed her face, her cheeks and even her hair. Though she saw him do those gesture…

She felt _nothing_.

She didn't feel his touch, but she did sense the warmth of his comfort. She had to admit that seeing him act like this towards her made all the suspicions that had been building inside of her melt, she trusted him. It's true that she wasn't sure what he was. How he was there in her room still puzzled her greatly and his identity still remained a huge question for her. But there was something about him that made her feel like he had been there all this time, that he had been with her all the time. And she found it amazingly easy to believe on what she was feeling.

"Don't cry anymore," she heard him say in a very soft but velvety voice.

He shifted his head closer to her and that's when her hazel eyes saw his crimson ones. His blood-red eyes looked more heartbreaking and lonely than hers. His sadness made her grief insignificant. She wondered why the person was sad and why he knew that she was.

'_Is he a ghost? What is he doing here? Maybe he—_'

"Mikan."

Her heart leaped.

All of her thoughts seemed to have disappeared like he did. After she heard him say her name, he vanished. She waited for the mysterious ghost to reappear but drowsiness betrayed her. She fell asleep.

When she woke up, she was confused with what had happened last night. She tried to search for clues, hoping that what had happened was real but her efforts lead to disappointment. There were no traces or proofs of the _ghost_ last night. She knew she had to be true to herself and accept that the only explanation for the strange event was that all of it was a dream. She was just dreaming.

But she preferred to believe otherwise.

She learned to have faith in the unseen. Even if logic and physics would prove that all her hopes and beliefs were crap, she still chose to believe that what had happened was real. She chose to believe in _his_ _existence,_ though she wasn't sure what he was.

Her vow melted as soon as she decided to believe in him for she didn't knew that this decision would lead into a long time unrequited _love._

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"Mikan!" she heard her boyfriend call her.

Ruka was her boyfriend for two years straight. They had met when they were on their freshman year and he courted her for almost a year. He understands her, he's gentle to her and he respects all her decisions. He's never the type to cheat on a girl and she knows that he's sincere with his love for her. Falling for him was something very easy for any girl.

_But why was it so difficult for her?_

God knew how many times she had tried to open her heart for Ruka. But as many as the numbers she had tried, she _failed_. She knew that she had to stop lying. Lying to her boyfriend, lying to everybody and lying to herself. She has to set everything straight.

She has to forget about _him_.

Even after several years without seeing the ghost who had visited her when she was at her lowest, she still couldn't forget about him. Though all he had offered her that night were four simple words, she knew how deep and sincere they were. His simple words created such a huge impact on her that until now she still remembers him.

_Or was it because he never let her forget?_

Whenever she was feeling happy it's as if someone else was celebrating with her. Whenever she felt sad, it was like someone was embracing her with arms full of comfort. Was it imagination? Or was he really there? Though she preferred the latter, she will never know the answer.

"Hi Ruka," she finally said with a smile.

"I brought you your favorite vanilla ice cream." She watched as her boyfriend pulled out the ice cream from the grocery bag he was holding.

"Thank you," she answered sweetly and tried to hide the awkwardness she was feeling. She really liked vanillas but strawberries were her favorite. Her mom always bought strawberries for her when she was a child that's why she was very fond of them until now.

As they talked, she felt really guilty. She can see how Ruka really cares for her and how she treats him unfairly, she wanted to be fair to him. She realized that she can't keep on believing on something that might not even exist. It was serious this time.

_It was time to say goodbye._

Night time came and it was time to part with Ruka, they went on separate ways since their dorm was on opposite directions. He offered to walk her home but she refused, she wanted time to think.

She walked quietly silently thinking of her newly formed decision. Whether it was right or wrong, she didn't force her mind to ponder further, she only knew that she have to do what's fair, fair for everybody.

Even though she tripped on her way to her room, it didn't bother her that much since it was not an unusual thing for her to experience anyway. She limped her way to her room and tended her fresh wounds.

'_Tomorrow's the day I'll finally let go of this feeling, my feeling.' _she mentally sighed as she was preparing for bed.

_*ring ring*_

She answered her ringing mobile phone with a meek _"_Hello_"_ suggesting the caller that she was really tired and sleepy.

"Mikan," a very familiar person called her name.

"Hotaru?! Is it really you?" she automatically became ecstatic.

Its been a long time since they last spoke to each other. And hearing her voice now when she had made one of the most heartbreaking decisions in her life made her feel happy and sober at the same time.

"I missed you so much Hotaru," she confessed.

"I missed you too," her best friend paused then continued, "I told you a thousand times Mikan, crying makes you ugly. Stop crying."

It was really hard for her to stop the waterfall of tears that formed in her eyes from falling. Too many emotions are flooding her systems right now and crying was the best way to make them all flow out. It was hard but she knew she had to stop; Hotaru wouldn't like it if she continued to act like that.

They talked about Hotaru's arrival. Though their conversation was short, she felt was contented that they had a chance talk. She never fails to feel euphoric over their simple chat. She was grateful to God that He gave her such a wonderful friend who understands everything that she is.

After their conversation, she decided to surrender to her exhaustion but before she could finally start dreaming, she felt his presence _again._

_He was really making it hard for her to say farewell._

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"Mikan, I see you let your hair down today," she heard her boyfriend greeted her as he approached her, "Is it because of our 2nd-year anniversary today?"

"Not really, I just woke up late and didn't had the time to tie them in pigtails," she lied. It's not really the reason why her hair was down. No one might've noticed but she always let them down when she says important goodbyes.

Her hair was down when she said goodbye to her mom, it was down when she finally gave up on her first love, it was down when she hugged Hotaru farewell.

And it's down_ today_, when she'll finally say goodbye to her long unrequited feelings.

"Ouch… Haha! You know Mikan, you should really put your hair down, it looks good on you," she blushed. Not because she was flattered, it's because she felt shy and embarrassed, she shouldn't look good on a Goodbye day.

She managed to stutter a thanks before Ruka diverted the topic.

"Anyways, have you memorized your part in the play?" he asked.

She mentally thanked God for a less awkward topic.

"Nope, not yet. I haven't got enough time. Maybe I'll try to memorize it later," she replied.

"I see… do you want to practice with me? Just wait for me here after my soccer practice," he offered.

"If it's ok with you, then alright!" she forced a smile.

When she heard the sound of the bell, she knew she would have to be alone.

She knew it was the perfect time to say _farewell_.

When she was all alone, she started voicing out her feelings in a way that made her look like she was practicing for the play. Feelings that she had kept to herself for such a long time. And now, finally saying them loud and open made her feel light. Confessing was easier than expected but parting is a very different matter.

She closed her eyes and when she was finally able to muster enough guts, she mentally said her _goodbye._

'_Eh?!'_ her mind wondered disbelievingly at what had happened.

At the very same time she bid her farewell, she heard another person said exactly the same thing. She was quite sure that she was alone in the room so why would she be hearing anyone's voice now? She opened her eyes, hoping to find the answer she wanted.

And that was when she _saw_ _his crimson eyes_.

Clear and linear, she saw him for the very first time.

She knew it was him. Though they didn't really met and there was no solid evidence he was the man she had loved, she knew it was him.

_Her heart told her so._

She had so many things to say to him that she didn't know where to start. Unconsciously, she mouthed, "Hey, how do you do that?"

She watched as his facial feature changed into a wondering look then shifted his gaze from her to look at the surrounding as if he was looking for someone.

"Hey! I'm talking to you! How come you're floating?" she asked again. She knew her question seemed insignificant compared to the questions she had prepared in the past but right now, all of her pre-formulated queries seemed to have melted away. She only wanted one thing.

She wanted to hear his voice. His soft solemn voice which made her fall in love with him for the longest time.

"Mikan," she heard him unconsciously say.

And with that, all her feelings went back to her.

_Back to where they all belong._

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_Author's note: so, how was it? it's ok if you thought it was boring. i accept any comments anyway. ahahahaha..anyways, happy holidays everybody! stay safe and let's all see each other next year!_

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